Amor Fati !!

I am still living, I am still thinking; I have to go on living because I have to go on thinking. Sum, ergo cognoto; cognito, ergo sum. Today everyone is permitted to express his desire and dearest thoughts; so I too would like to say what I have desired of myself today and what thought was the first to cross my heart this year – what thought shall be the basis, guarantee and sweetness of all my future life! I want to learn more and more to see what is necessary in things as the beautiful in them – thus I shall become one of those who makes things beautiful. Amor Fati: may that be my love from now on! I want to wage no war against th ugly. I do not want to accuse, I do not want even to accuse the accusers. May looking away be my only form of negation! And, all in all, I want to be at all times hereafter only an affirmer!

Of Joys and Passions

My brother, if you have a virtue and it is your own virtue, you have it in common with no one. To be sure, you want to call it by a name and caress it; you want to pull its ears and amuse yourself with it. And behold! Now you have its name in common with the people and have become of the people and the herd with your virtue!

You would do better to say: “Unutterable and nameless is that which torments and delights my soul and is also the hunger of my belly.” Let your virtue be too exalted for the familiarity of names: and if you have to speak of it , do not be ashamed to stammer.
Thus say and stammer: This is my good, this I love, just thus do I like it, only thus do I wish the good. I do not want it as the law of God, I do not want it as a human statute: let it be no sign post to superearths and paradises. It is an earthly virtue that I love: there is little prudence in it, and least of all common wisdom. But this bird has built its nest beneath my roof: therefore I love and cherish it – now it sits there upon its golden eggs. Thus should you stammer and praise your virtue.

Once you had passions and called them evil. But now you have only virtues: they grew from out your passions. You laid your highest aim in the heart of these passions: then they became your virtues and joys. And though you came from the race of the hot tempered or of the lustful or of the fanatical or of the vindictive: At last all your passions have become virtues and all your devils angels. Once you had fierce dogs in your cellars: but they changed at last into birds and sweet singers. From your poison you brewed your balsam; you milked your cow, affliction, now you drink the sweet milk of her udder.

And henceforward nothing evil shall come out of you, except it be the evil that comes from the conflict of your virtues. My brother, if you are lucky you will have one virtue and no more: thus you will go more easily over the bridge. To have many virtues is to be distinguished, but it is a hard fate; and many a man has gone into the desert and killed himself because he was tired of being a battle and a battleground of virtues. My brother, are war and battle evil? But this evil is necessary, envy and mistrust and calumny among your virtues is necessary.

Behold how each of your virtues desires the highest place: it wants your entire spirit, that your entire spirit may be its herald, it wants your entire strength in anger, hate and love. Every virtue is jealous of the others, and jealousy is a terrible thing. Even virtues can be destroyed through jealousy. He whom the flames of jealousy surround at last turns his poisoned sting against himself, like the scorpion. Ah my brother, have you ever yet seen a virtue turn upon itself and stab itself?

Man is something that must be overcome: and for that reason you must love your virtues – for you will perish by them.

Thus spoke Zarathustra.

Attack of the Clones !

Yeaterday I was wasting my time doing nothing. I was confused and irritated; fretting and worrying; doubtfull and in dilemma; and all these fr nothing worthwile.

I dispised this character of mine and so I sat and thought, framing a big WHY and questioning myself for all th troubles that i 'think' mite happen. Duh. Its such a waste of time !!!! Why think of the future, when its only the result of your present ? Why think of the past, when its just a vague reminder of bygones and yu dont have th power to turn back time.

An idle mind is the devil's workshop.

I now realize I had missed my chance to acknowledge that it was a beautiful day, the sun had still shone brilliantly, and th pitter patter of the rain drops was a refreshing change to th music i normally hear. The earth had spread a mystical aroma of the rain water sinking in...and I now relize...though both glee and gloom wer knocking at my doors, I let only gloom in.

Thank you gloom, thanx a lot. Thanx for making me aware of how good glee was. Thank you for telling me that I should live in the moment and try to enjoy yourself to the fullest without worrying.

Thanks a lot.

When Dreams Speak

And then, one day he started dreaming.

He felt the cool morning breeze shuffle through his hair; his palms and feet were growing numb. It remained so at a comfortable degree, yet he folded his arms and shrugged, trying to bring in more conscious numbness. He could feel the tender shoots of the corn tickling his bare back and the slushy pathway giving way under each step of his.. Walking through the field, drenched by the morning shower of dew, he felt joyful. He did not know for what, but yet he felt serene and blissful. He was dreaming!

And then in yonder, the golden rays of the morning sun, falling on a cloud of smoke highlighted it and shaped it like (and which smiled at him) a sensuous feminine figure. He quickened his pace to get a glimpse of that angelic pose, but every step he took, he wanted to pause and think of the path he had trodden. Would he be taken for a ride? Would it just be a mirage caused by the senses? Was not the path he was walking, to be finished first? He was dreaming!

With remorse he looked up, as if trying to ask God’s help for solving his dilemma, but more as a trial at evading the misty smoke and the scene he saw. Looking onto the sky thus, he walked, always aware that he did see the colors of a feminine smile. The moon had not yet set, and its sultry rays reminded him of the journey he was to take. It reminded him that he was to reach it, and it reminded him of the stars and the empty magical space beyond. The supreme emptiness was yet to be travelled and discovered. He felt a tinge of fear; a dab of insecurity. Would he make it? He was dreaming!
Further and farther as time went by, he couldn’t help but take a peek to his side…where the clouds had been shaping themselves as a lady. He tried to make himself believe that it was just an illusion. As he looked, he found that the figure was not exquisitely beautiful, but was glowing with a mystical aura. It was still there: the boundaries better defined and the figure much more enthralling. It was pulling him into its grasp—not too near, not too far, but at the same time retreating. He reached to touch the hazy vision and embrace it. But every time he tried, it withdrew by an inch… He was dreaming!

Suddenly, the moon started becoming brighter, brighter than the sun…engulfing everything. It started changing its form, as if swallowing everything.

He woke up.

He was not dreaming. He understood. His dreams were speaking to him.

Ithaca

When you set out on your journey to Ithaca,
pray that the road is long,
full of adventure, full of knowledge.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the angry Poseidon – do not fear them:
You will never find such as these on your path
if your thoughts remain lofty, if a fine
emotion touches your spirit and your body.
The Lestrygonians and the Cyclops,
the fierce Poseidon you will never encounter
if you do not carry them within your soul
if your heart does not set them up before you.


Pray that the road is long.
That the summer mornings are many, when,
with such pleasure, with such joy
you will enter ports seen for the first time;
stop at Phoenician markets,
and purchase fine merchandise,
mother-of-pearl and coral, amber and ebony,
and sensual perfumes of all kinds
as many sensual perfumes you can;
visit many Egyptian cities,
to learn and learn from scholars.


Always keep Ithaca in your mind.
To arrive there is your ultimate goal.
But do not hurry the voyage at all.
It is better to let it last for many years;
and to anchor at the island when you are old,
rich with all you have gained on the way,
not expecting that Ithaca will offer you riches.
Ithaca has given you the beautiful voyage.
Without her you would never have set out on the road.
She has nothing more to give you.


And if you find her poor, Ithaca has not deceived you.
Wise as you have become, with so much experience,
you must already have understood what Ithacas mean.

Greek Poet, Constantine P. Cavafy (1911)

Framed !

A friend, (i havent even seen her, bt once) barely recognizable the next time around, and who calls me 'acs' ...a very mature, very innocent and very true lady, sent me this gift, granting me a 'well deserved happiness'. She once termed it as a 'dedication to the guy who taught her to be good'.

This is what she had said in her email:

hi acs,
sorry i kept it with me a wee bit too long...i was under the impression that u did save it from orkut n then "ahemm" "frame it...that still sounds a bit over the top...still no blockin any of ur dreams acs...dream on...n thanku for the "constructive argument" again...
as for dedicatin to ppl i fight with ...no it is not a style...or even a secret plan at world domination or anything...he he he...well...just that ppl who fight with me make me see things from a different perspective ....n if the perspective is gud enf ,i take it...so i owe them their time...n their ideas into the making of "me" .so as i become a better human being ...in some way...i owe them 'a debt'....n i pay it by makin them "happy" ,a well deserved happiness don't u think? wel...so much for that...he he he...have a gr8 time...

I really do not know if she owes me the so called 'well deserved happiness', for i am not sure what i made her accept through the constructive arguments. But then I should repeat that i am indeed glad that i got a well deserved happines.

Thanx ms gg. Ive framed it as it is wat it rightly deserves ! Amen !

Onam

I was doin a sort of spring cleaning of my room and my table when i found a old sheet of paper, all torn and with something barely legible scribbled on it. The date on one end read 2nd August 2007. Wth much difficulty i started to read hat it was and understood hat it was an Ode to Mr. Maveli. In another fortnight we had celerated Onam, but i never posted ths anywhere. Lest you be mistaken, this is not a try at creating a poetic magnum opus. Just a few sentences dat i could muster up in my pathetic style. Read on...

Fill our hearts with pride and brotherhood abound,

for in days to see, before another fortnight that pass aroud,

away from a world somewere that none has seen or felt so far,

would he come, our king, spreading warmth as he did in history afar.

The spirit still is felt and never will fade in hearts of toddlers to th ages so old,

with charm, Onam we all call this fest, awaiting a year, braving all hot and all cold,

for always we know he would come again to see us merry, from th youngest to the old,

though to see them prosper, he gave up all and travelled to the netherworld.

Oh soverign! for thou the cours bloom in different flowers around,

amidst dainty damsls clapping aloud, dance the blithe flames on lamps aplenty

happiness that thy seek spreads from door to door like an exotic posy,

from dawn to dusk even the ants and elephants dance gleeful and merry.

A Question on Love

Oh God,is love not the truth of everything? Is true love, in all meanings interpreted, the pinnacle of all specific emotions, pertaining to what is or was achieved? Does it not have both metaphysical as well as very empirical definitions which those who search for would find totally in congruence?

Am I also in search for the definition of love? Love between two individuals - a lady and a man? Is it by all means necessary, that both of them should be from a totally different environment? Can two, living under the same roof not be in love? Can someone who has lived with each other for a couple of decades be in love with each other? Does love have only one meaning? One definite reason that is being purely sensual? Is what you feel towards your sibling based on such a perception? So if you love your sibling, is it blasphemy of human existence? Is it profanity of natural laws? Is it not divinity personified? Then why, have i never seen people love so, with utter ease? Why have I not seen such an expression for the past years of life? Why never at the least a literary manifestation which has embalmed in itself, such a truth? Are these doubts representing a death of sanity in my soul?

Why do I love my sister much more than I love myself? Why do I think of her more than I do of others in my life? Is it a try of my psyche to balance her with whom I lost? Why do I not find in her, faults or defects similar to those many speak about their siblings? Why am I so very blind and dumb and deaf when thinking about her? Why is it that I know I can confide in her, my most obscene of my secrets without any fear of rebuke? Why is it that I know that I wouldn’t feel bad, nor hungry, nor desirous of her feminity, just because she is a woman? Why do I know that she also feels the same in return? Why do I know that she feels safe within my grasp?

And god answered: “That is love. Not just love, but Divine love.

Hear this, for the beauty of a day lies on the decision you take, your willingness to forgive those who offend you, your desire to tolerate one another and giving peace a chance, and your ability to hold back your anger even when it is imperative to burst out. Those who seek peace will find harmony; those who seek wealth will find riches; but those who seek Love will find everything. So choose right. For on the canvas of eternity, I draw with the colour of love”.

Ode to a Woman

Woman, I can hardly express,
My mixed emotion at my thoughtlessness,
After all I'm forever in your debt,
And woman I will try to express,
My inner feelings and thankfullness,
For showing me the meaning of succsess,

Woman I know you understand
The little child inside the man,
Please remember my life is in your hands,
And woman hold me close to your heart,
However, distant don't keep us apart,
After all it is written in the stars

Woman please let me explain,
I never meant to cause you sorrow or pain,
So let me tell you again and again and again,
I love you now and forever

And I will love you forever and ever.

Guilt

The past is a gaping hole. You try to run from it, but the more you run, the deeper, more terrible it grows behind you, its edges yawning at your heels.

I was hurt. My crime, what I had done was like a hungry pit behind me. I had to run, get as far away from it as possible. But it was still close at my heels. Your only chance is to turn around and face it. But its like looking down into the grave of someone you love or kissing the mouth of a gun, a bullet trembling in its dark nest, ready to blow your head off.

He is dead !

I open my eyes and everything is sliding back into focus.

True Love Is The Act Of Total Abandon

14th of February; Valentines Day. We all know the imporance, or rather, the special status given to this day. A day when we all are lost in dreams, roaming the imaginary clouds with our fluttery senses or else busy in the company of our lover, trying to impress him/ her with some unique gift, a kiss or a rosy red flower that exemplifies the love we have for him/ her. Are you one covered within such a bracket?

But is it necessary to wake up one fine morning and say, “today is Valentines day and so I have got to show extra love to my lover”. Why do we need a commemorative day for reminding us of what we believe in? it would be more sacred and valuable if we can cherish each day and each minute in he same sense.

How many are there who does not have a ‘lover’? Lets talk about them.

Loving someone is not a sin. But, does that mean we should be in continuous search for that? Ok, now being in search of that elusive person is not a sin either. But why are we not ready to love all who we see? Is it tough? If not, then why are we not trying to evolve with such a frame of mind?

True love is auspicious. True love is loving one’s self, because only then can we ever be able to spread the warmth to others. It is a feeling of a different realm, a different stratum. We dont have to put conditions for it to happen. Absolutely no underlying conditions, like beauty, wealth, high status etcetera plays a part for its evolution. Neither do we need a day, an hour or a minute based on which we evaluate love. Proximity of a person for understanding love is not a necessity.We can even abandon a person and still love that person a lot. 'True love' is unconditional. It’s the conversation between the souls, a language the body or the material realm where the body exists cannot comprehend. True love is the act of total abandon.

Oh Woman !

Woman, you define the benign half of human race. Woman, you depict and exalt the identity of being the cradle of life. Woman, oh thee glorifies the personification of care and nurture. Woman, are you not the unparalleled source of love, compassion and virtues? But why do I, the man, bridle your character and bring you under submission. Why do I think education is not your birthright? I even limit your freedom to breathe with tight reigns? Why do I rape and molest you impassively? Why do you get burned and killed? Why do I expect you to be virgin, when at the same time I pay and enjoy for sensual unison with many? Is virginity just in the vagina? Is it not in your consciousness?

Woman, I pity thy spiteful fate.

“Oh woman, from the sacred womb of thy, one day to this earth came I”

Pardon the masculine power, for though they are to be depended for your progeny to evolve, they may not have your body and soul to love and beat. Pardon this uncanny and uncouth misconduct of manhood. Please pardon me.